Can you tell us what you do?
I’m the author of, THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat. My mission is infidelity prevention. I address this by promoting self-awareness, personal accountability, education, and growth.
My book is conversational in style with bits of humor thrown in yet includes necessary salient points. Infidelity is by no means funny, but in the telling, I use my “voice,” luckily, it’s been well-received.
What is the most difficult part about writing for you?
The most difficult part about writing my book was trying to sort through the writing process. As a first-time author, everything was new. I’ve dabbled in writing most of my life, but this was an entirely different skill set. The motivation and ideas existed, however that doesn’t always translate into a cohesive project. I Googled a lot!
I reached out to writing groups, professionals, etc. I collected information, asked for feedback, and applied when it resonated. It was definitely an on-the-job training situation. My book is self-published which comes with its own set of rules and regulations.
The learning curves were sometimes daunting, but have served me in the long run. I consistently read, explored, connected, and outsourced when possible. I was on an extremely tight budget and was very mindful of where I put my monies. It was a tricky balance of writing, creativity, finances, and book business.
What motivated you to write this book?
I was annoyed with infidelity gone wild and becoming normalized. What is lacking in our educational and psychological systems that enable these actions?
The big push came when it was revealed a certain California governor had fathered a child out of wedlock. That was my tipping point. Constantly hearing and reading about unhealthy choices that were/are being made in “committed” relationships prompted me to put fingers to keyboard.
As a meaningful side note, I’ve had experience on both sides of the fence. My ex-husband cheated on me and I’ve been the other woman. I understand first-hand the crucial emotional, psychological, and financial fallout caused by infidelity–and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more to it than is commonly known. Thankfully, I’ve learned a tremendous amount and want to share.
Through deep research, connecting with therapists, and interviewing various people who told their stories, I was able to gather more knowledge and understanding of this habitual, chaotic issue.
While it’s true, infidelity prevention isn’t new, my voice is.
What struggles along the way did you face?
I had to keep expanding my boundaries to accommodate people’s stories. This wasn’t a struggle per se, but it was startling and thought-provoking. It challenged me to look at the subject matter with fresh eyes.
I knew infidelity wasn’t one size fits all due to each of us having distinct backstories, some more intense than others, but the variations on this theme were astounding, as they continue to be. It was a huge learning curve. One that allowed for extensive insight, compassion, and the need to keep working towards prevention.
What are the top 3 qualities you would need to have to be a good romantic partner?
- Open, honest, considerate communication.
- Intentional listening—without interrupting.
- Compassion for your mate.
Do you hear from your readers much? What do they say?
Reviews of my book speak volumes. I currently have an Amazon 4.9 star rating.
“THE (IN) FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat is an excellent book! Elda M. Lopez gives a powerful voice to the negative impact of infidelity.” ~ Christina Ferguson
“A must-read for anyone who is contemplating or has experienced infidelity. Don’t be surprised if find yourself in this book, Elda definitely lets you know you’re not alone. A fast, humorous, easy read, you won’t be disappointed.” ~ M Orozco
“This book was incredibly insightful and very well written. I was enlightened to the real runaway train wreck this subject presents and inspired by the way the author addressed and articulated options and solutions. A really good read and important educational experience.” ~ David C.
Non-Amazon-related reviews are available on my website, www.eldamlopez.com. Some people prefer not to be so public with their thoughts but are willing to share otherwise. I welcome the input, no matter what.
Interestingly enough, men have been more candid with their feelings than women. Generally, men are seen as lacking emotional depth, but the fact that many have reached out to me and have confided their circumstances through honest discussions is indicative of conversations that need to be encouraged. I wholeheartedly applaud this!
My next project is relationship coaching for men.
Any other advice you would like to give?
Know thyself. Know who you are. Know your wants, needs, desires, and deal breakers when approaching your life and relationships. If you’re not aware of who you are, it’s unrealistic and unfair to presume someone else will.
Yes, it takes courage to face the mirror and do an assessment. Most don’t, which leads to plenty of issues across the board. The fear of being rejected, fear of being alone, fear of missing out, etc., are more than likely unfounded fears. Take a closer look, dig deep, acknowledge and redefine negative patterns. Be accountable. Claim errors and adjust behavior accordingly. If stuck, seek professional guidance to sort through confusing thoughts and emotions.
Make space for healthy relationships. Be fearless. Be resolute. Be the change-up.
And, of course, read my book.
You can get a copy of her book here:
Here is her website: