“We’ve all done bad “sh!t” Goldy, it’s what you do with the lesson, and not repeating it that’s the important thing” – Anonymous priest I saw as a kid at confession. The dude was REAL.
I’ve never understood why people cry at weddings. For as long as I can remember I had either been singing at them or taking photos. I started singing when I was 3 years old. By the time I was 7, I was already classically trained in opera, and kids singing at weddings were hot commodities! Launched briskly into this world of adulting, I still couldn’t understand why people were always crying. It was an enigma.
As I got a little older I got into photography and soon was again finding myself at churches and event centers across the country. With so many different types of people and different types of ceremonies, I still couldn’t grasp what made so many people cry.
Not too long into my entertainment career, I started to meet people who found true love but we’re not allowed to solidify it the way I was. Many folks would want a same-sex wedding in states I would travel, but were not allowed. This was heartbreaking for me as a young adult because I just saw people in love. I was in an adult world from such an early age and saw people and things for what they were. I saw love through a child’s eyes and to me it was all beautiful. I’ll never forget a woman screaming to get into the hospital and see her partner who was dying of cancer whose last minutes were upon her. She begged and pleaded, but it was “family only” and the 30 years these two women were together meant nothing in the law’s eyes. I can’t tell you what an impact on a young child this had. Love to me with consenting adults. will always be love.
I remember a beautiful couple asking me if I would become an ordained minister and officiate their wedding. I was completely honored. This would start a trend of me marrying couples who couldn’t find anyone to do the job.
Years ago in my youth, I fell in love with someone who was unavailable. It wasn’t until I was head over heels that I found that out. I didn’t know what to do. I was young and I should have taken the high road but I stayed in the relationship to investigate and see what would unfold. It was wrong. I wish I could hit the rewind button.
It took a mental toll on me and I remember contemplating taking my own life. Once again I found myself, you guessed it, at a church singing a wedding. I started to lose it prior to my singing and went outside in the back by the courtyard. I began to sob when the priest who was performing the ceremony noticed me.
I’ll always remember his kind voice, “what’s the matter my child?” he said. I told him. I’m Catholic and he was a priest so I figured I’d better confess now. I was very surprised at what he had to say, Clearly he could see I was distraught and torn and upset. He gave me some kind and solid private advice on how to get on the right track and he ended it with these words: “Everyone has the right to love and be loved.”
Those words have stayed with me my whole life and they’ve helped me get out of some dark places. But more importantly, they’ve helped me help others keep from doing something to hurt themselves. Listen to those words in your head.
I, later on, found out that the very priest that gave me advice was living with a woman against the church’s law. He was discovered, excommunicated, and fired. Those are the rules so I understand, but again I found those words ringing in my head, “everyone has the right to love and be loved.” The sentence in my heart for his “sin” suddenly wasn’t as heavy. I wondered where he would go and what he would do. I cherished those words. Sometimes that’s all we need to hang on.
I would find out later on that someone in my own family was dating and would eventually marry the community priest. The guilt that lay upon her was so much that I could see. Just like a young girl years ago, she was in the same place emotionally and mentally that was.
Once again I got to use those famous words to add comfort and to help her through a difficult time. She would go on to marry the now “civilian” and they would have a beautiful and loving marriage. Who am I to judge?
That hot day in Mississippi, in a dripping humid July, a new wedding officiant set foot on the grass of a beautiful backyard. I was sick driving the whole way up and downed several bottles of Nyquil only to be completely drunk by the time it was time for the nuptials. High heels are a bad choice of footwear should you ever be intoxicated on cough syrup. My spikes penetrated the newly laid sod and I found myself sinking in the soil.
What a horrible sensation, I was a mess. But as I stood there watching these two extraordinary women exchange their vows and do my best to sober up, it finally hit me why people cry at weddings. I could feel their joy as they truly found a partner they wanted to spend their entire life with for better or for worse and my tears fell with each word. After all these years I got the memo.
For me, marriage is something I can run out on a lunch break to the courtroom on any given day and do. My parents got married on my dad’s lunch break. These two, however, had to carefully craft every move and plan for such a long time to just be together. I saw the pure emotion and feeling in their eyes and now the intoxicated wedding officiant added foggy glasses to injury.
I think of all the couples out there who are so unlikely. I wonder how they ever found each other. Two people so incredibly different with so many varieties of experiences and somehow came to form a solid commitment and union based on love and trust. I can’t last more than 20 minutes these days on some dates! And these people are saying “I do” to the rest of their lives.
I get it now. I can see why people cry. They are not tearing up about that specific day per se but rather the days, months, and years that led up to the point for these people to make this life-changing choice. It is absolutely incredible.
If you’re single and ready to mingle and reading this article, start with having love and kindness in your heart. Wake up every day and thank God above for the person I truly know he’s got coming your way.
She may be tall, she may be short, she may be beautiful or beautiful just to you. He may be rich, he may be poor or may even have a startup that you both embark on together, but start your day out with gratitude because they are coming. How could you not find your dream partner someday? You WILL! You just have to believe it first and always love yourself to the fullest. Be ready for the gift that’s coming!
Happy Valentine’s Day Golden Peeps and remember the words from this article given to me long ago: “Everyone has the right to love and be loved.” Be kind and be gentle with the hearts of others. Especially your own. – Goldy Knows