Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. There will be many single women out and about looking for love, even during the pandemic. People are shot, lonely, and wanting to get out. They may not be thinking as clearly as they should.
Do you have a daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, friend, or neighbor you love?
Please share this article with them as a way to create a conversation about something we don’t TALK about until it’s too late.
This Goldy’s Corner are some insights into the mind and world of a rapist. This is meant to help prevent a rape.
I grew up with a father in corrections. He was a parole officer of some of the most dangerous men that walked the streets. He listened, counseled, rehabilitated, and sometimes threw up his hands trying to help these men. I want to share with you what I’ve learned over the years.
According to many professionals, there are 3 or 4 types of rapists, and according to my father, there is a fine line between the different types. Let us examine the following categories to better help us understand.
According to Howard Barbaree, a psychologist at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario, most rapes are impulsive and opportunistic and committed by people who may commit other impulsive acts, including impulsive crimes.
1. The Power Rapist
They show no anger and use little unnecessary force. The so-called “power rapist” is preoccupied with a fixed sexual fantasy that they try to act out in the rape, such as a fantasy in which they force a victim to have sex, and they then fall in love with them. They are likely to flee if the victim puts up a fight.
EXAMPLE OF THE POWER RAPIST
The most recent example that comes to mind is the stalker that broke into WWE star Sonya Deville’s home. Phillip Thomas II, A longtime stalker with a “disturbing obsession, traveled hundreds of miles to the victim’s home in Tampa to commit a crime he had planned for eight months. This man fits the bill very well. He’s insecure, Feels inadequate with women, has much self-doubt, and wants to “possess” his victim.
2. The Anger Rapist or “Vindictive Rapist”
They commit physically harmful assaults and with the intent to degrade and humiliate the victim.
Civilization has evolved to be more equal but there will always be these types who are unwilling to accept it. They feel as though it’s their birthright to trample upon, humiliate, debase, and hurt a woman. They feel it teaches a permanent lesson and will damage and scar her identity for life. Anger rape is characterized by physical brutality, more force than to just penetrate. They attack by Beating, tearing clothing through anger and rage.
EXAMPLE OF THE ANGER RAPIST
I remember a college friend with a boyfriend who had a darker side. You could see it. They got in a fight, she left and he went out and found someone to rape and “get even with.” These are blitz attacks many times. He was drunk and high on something when this happened.
3. Sadistic rapist
While my dad says he doesn’t see much of a difference between the sadistic and other rapists, (they are all just rapists in his mind after years of dealing with them) I do see a slight difference. For these rapists, there is a sexual association with various concepts, so that aggression and the infliction of pain is eroticized. They find joy in causing suffering torment, anguish, distress, and helplessness. They find this an erotic experience. Extensive, prolonged torture, and the use of restraints, foreign objects are used to penetrate and they get off by injuring sexual areas of the victim. They will often wear a disguise or will blindfold their victims. Prostitutes are often the sadistic rapist’s targets. For some of these rapists, the ultimate satisfaction is gained from murdering the victim.
Retired FBI criminal profiler and forensic scientist Peter Smerick explored the mind and world of James Mitchell DeBardelben (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uN9cRAcn5sA). James Mitchell was a student of crime. He read books on criminal behavior, he read detective magazines to see where other serial rapists and killers made mistakes. He spent time in a town, left no evidence, and fled leaving authorities to be concentrating on the area he left. The Sadistic rapist doesn’t enjoy the pain, but the suffering the victim is going through. Peter Smerick discusses it as the genetics or the environment that creates these monsters. He believes it’s a combination. Is it the home or genetics? Through interviews in prisons of serial rapists and murders, it is mentioned in this interview, many come from backgrounds of massive psychological, emotional, or physical abuse. Early on in their teens, they have fantasies of hurting other people. Because fantasy is perfect and reality is not, eventually these perpetrators start going after more and more victims in order to make the fantasy perfect.
Something very important about the sadistic rapist is no matter how the victim goes along with it, they will never be happy. Unlike the power rapist, where my dad says the victim should just play along because more than likely they will get out alive, this rape will more than likely ending in murder.
This is macabre, morbid, and a dark topic. But I focus on anything I can do to shed light to prevent or get a victim out alive. I said to my father, wouldn’t some women just want to die at this point rather than live with these gruesome memories and PTSD? He just gave me a cold stare on our streaming interview.
He told me of a story where he sent offenders to a special halfway house. There was a man getting ready to be released. My dad had a gut feeling there was something still very wrong with this man’s mental process. He warned authorities that this man was still a severe danger to society. “There was something about this guy…” My father continues to say, “You Are What You Eat. If all the experiences you’ve ever had were on the lenses of your glasses, then every time you look through them, you’re looking through your experiences.
He tells me of “outstanding inmates” who regurgitate everything told to them. Even the true psychopath can get out. He spoke of his client how he was released. He went on a raping pillage at a college campus, then hung himself after hurting many women.
These are the stories that haunt me from my childhood. It was the culture I come from and I educate every chance I can from personal experience, the stories my father told me growing up, to the horrendous crimes I heard while waiting for my father to finish work sitting in a nearby cubicle.
I’m very cautious dating online or anyone. I ask questions, I cyberstalk the guy, I check in with a friend before I go anywhere and I ALWAYS drive separately. I meet them at a commonplace, restaurant, or coffee shop and I LISTEN. I call his phone from a grocery store or gym when I know he’ll be at work and listen to the outgoing message. You can learn a lot from that, if anything his real name. I run with that before the date. And speaking of running,
My Golden Precautions
A. Move across the street when someone is gaining on you walking behind you. Move. Who cares if you look “paranoid”.
B. Start yelling and making loud sounds.
C. Wave your hands in the air making huge motions.
D. Get into a fake fight on the phone or just start yelling like you’re crazy.
E. Walk down the MIDDLE of the street (watching for cars and ongoing traffic)
I remember being chased by a man in a park. I looked for the next moving car, ran toward it, and climbed on the back bumper, get on the hood and hold onto the base of the windshields (if driving slow enough.) No one will argue with you that you’re in danger. People will help you. This is a personal experience that worked for me.
According to my father, in his 30 years of experience, rapes by most predators happen “Late…. at night” But for the power rapists or predatory pedophiles out of prison who are still supervised and on parol, it doesn’t make any difference. It’s 24/7. From my father’s experience with other people in his business, “You can’t do much with these people.”
So that leaves a lot on YOU and your personal responsibility.
I share this experience from when I was getting fuel late at night and was almost assaulted before I took the man out. I was AWARE and this STILL happened.
Close to home, parking lots, leaving a club, stairs, tunnels, parks, and in streets to name a few. Many times in a home and by someone the victim knows. Many times rape is committed in places with low visibility. So what does that mean for you? PAY ATTENTION. Get off your phone, quit dinging around, and BE PRESENT of your surroundings.
The goal of this article is to make you aware and WOKE, not afraid, but INFORMED so you can look for signs.
This Valentine’s Day and EVERY day, may I suggest these tools to give as gifts instead or alongside the traditional chocolate. One makes you fat accompanied by cavities while the other can save a life.
I list these links to my website category: PROTECT. I suggest the pepper spray, mace, and the beautiful metal stabber keyrings. https://amzn.to/36hUIJo
I say beautiful because they have saved my life.
Blow someone’s ear out with the personal alarm and then blast them in the face with this pepper spray. Done. You’re welcome. https://amzn.to/39kdaTn
Carry mace or pepper spray, stabber, have it on your keyring.
Light on your keyring and shine it in the back of the car before you even get in.
As I approach the car I look underneath and 360 around.
If something looks weird, leave and call someone.
Better be safe than sorry and look a little foolish than die.
Many times being a “victim” falls on you and not by the clothes you wear ok? It’s about paying attention.
Be extra cautious of someone exhibiting:
• Impulsivity and anger outbursts
• Verbal & physical violence without a reason
• Inappropriate touching younger siblings or friends
• Teasing behavior esp in school
• Threatening others
• Paranoid behavior
• Hours spent masturbating
• Lewd comments
If you see these qualities… Bolt Baby! No matter how hot the dude, don’t stick around to see if you can “change” him. A red flag isn’t going to turn white. Unless it’s YOU holding one because someone is harming you.
Watch your own ego. Is getting with this guy a good idea? Does he have a reputation? Are you being ignorant? Be smart.
On that note I leave you with this from my father Tom The Conservative; when asked, “why did he commit the crime?” his answer? “because he can.”
My father ends our podcast conversation (Watch the video version on The RELM Network or listen to the audio episode free on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, and iHeartRadio) by saying I wish some of these women would just say when somebody makes some advances, they’d just say (puts up his hands) no. Not even have to say, I have to go to the bathroom…” and LEAVE.
Here is the Instagram 2 min Promo of the podcast. Please watch it. https://bit.ly/2L1GF2W
Please share this informative article with someone you know and care about who needs to be on their game, works at night, or is out alone. Encourage them to be more woke, aware and put the phone away when not in a safe place.
Here at the Los Angeles Tribune, we care about your well-being and safety.
Heed my words and think. If this has happened to you or someone you know, let me say a heartfelt and sincere, I’m sorry. May your heart and wounds heal and have your experience help another in some way. I’m sending you prayers and the most caring vibes I can.
Stay safe and always, #StayGolden
Another really educational resource of understanding Rapist Types and Methods of Avoidance
And this PDF of location statistics in which many rapes occur.